![]() ![]() It seems to take a lot of practice, surrendering bits and pieces of the uncontrollable, before a person can make a final act of abandonment, a leap of faith, at the moment of death. The key is handing over the burden to God, where it belongs, and accepting the peace that this world cannot give. Struggling and straining to be free of the suffering, we risk being consumed by it. Surrender Accepting what cannot be changed, relinquishing control of the uncontrollable, is crucial work. The journey to recovered wholeness involves finding a new sense of personal worth in "being" instead of "doing," defining the self in new ways, and finding a place of comfort within chaos as the old "perfect" life is turned upside down. Denial is usually part of the process, because the full force of the truth is too much to digest all at once. Mourning the loss of health involves facing our dependence on others. From what I've seen, reconciliation, with other human beings and with God, is an absolute prerequisite for a peaceful death.Īcceptance of Humanity / Mortality A final illness shatters our illusions of self-sufficiency and control. And many people, in the secret recesses of their hearts, have a need to forgive God for the tragedies in their lives. ![]() Asking forgiveness of God seems to come easier, but believing and accepting God's forgiveness can be a monumental task without a confessor. When reconciliation is one-sided, when the other party is unwilling or unable to reciprocate, it's primarily an internal process. Reconciliation Granting and accepting forgiveness in important relationships can be formidable work, especially if the hurts are brutal. This is very private work that is only shared with intimates or a carefully chosen stranger, if at all. Even people with strong religious beliefs must put a personal spin on their faith, and internalize it in a new way. "What is the point of my life? Where have I succeeded? Where have I failed? What is the meaning of life in general?" This is deep, dark work for a deep, dark time. Surfacing Meaning "Why do I have to suffer this way? Why does God allow this? Is there a God? What kind of God?" The search for meaning leads us to question everything. Our natural longing for wholeness serves as the motivation to do the work, which includes the following: It can be avoided, but it can't be denied. This work is instinctive it doesn't need to be taught. It calls for soul-wrenching interior work to emerge whole on the other side of the experience. Eric Cassell defines suffering as "the state of severe distress that threatens the intactness of the person." Coming to terms with all the losses that accompany a terminal illness and facing the end of worldly existence is the essence of suffering: a burden to carry and a wall to break through. It's an unfortunate, unavoidable part of every life.ĭr. (That would be heaven.) In this world, to eliminate suffering we would have to eliminate breathing. How many times have we heard, "No one should have to suffer"? In a perfect world, there would be no suffering. Suffering strikes us as fundamentally wrong. ![]()
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